This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s very important to me because I struggle with my own mental health. When I was 10, I developed a disorder called Trichotillomania. It’s a hair pulling disorder that causes me to have uncontrollable urges to pull my hair. I kept this to myself for a very long time and it was easy for me to hide it because I pulled from my armpits. Then it was my arm hair which is a little more noticeable. Then it was my eyelashes and eyebrows. My family started to notice they were missing and even though I knew exactly why I was doing this, I couldn’t bring myself to tell them. So naturally they thought it was a bad habit and would tell at me when they saw my pulling. This only made my condition worse and made me want to not be here anymore (mind you I was only 11 at this time). I can remember crying every night actually hoping that my heart would just stop beating or my heart condition could get worse so I wouldn’t have to deal with life anymore. Thankfully, I got out of that mindset and realized I have so much more life to live. My “friends” had caused me to feel like I wasn’t worth it because of my height, big feet, and very skinny body. I felt disgusting still but I knew I still wanted to live.
Now, I’m 14 and I’m turning 15 next month. I’ve learned to love my height. I’m still learning to love my body but I’m getting there. About 3-4 months ago, I finally told my parents what was going on and they were very supportive about it. I got rid of those toxic people who made me feel worthless and I’m in a better place mentally now. Do I still pull my hair? Yes. As a matter of fact, I actually left my eyebrows and eyelashes alone and start pulling my hair on my head about 2 years ago. Do I still feel disgusting for doing it? Yes. I literally cried my eyes out last night because I genuinely couldn’t stop.
But, I don’t let my mental health get in the way of who I really am. I don’t let it define my worth or how beautiful I am. I don’t know anyone who also deals with the disorder but if you are or if you’re dealing with something else I want you to know that you’re strong and you are beautiful. I love you all and I want you to keep fighting because you deserve to be here on this earth.
im glad your doing ok. I my self wanted to die like 3 years ago i was 10 i think and i didnt want to live i hated life so much b/c i thot no one liked me or wanted to be friend i was bullied alot so i hated life until i started to read the Bible and my life chaged so i now what you have been throu and im trully sorry b/c of all that
Thank you so much for sharing! @Kenshae That’s very admirable.
I think we all struggle with mental health at many times in our lives, and the most important thing is to be able to open up to someone, anyone really, to begin with.
Your story is really an inspiration and it’s amazing how you’re using this to actually grow as a person.
Thank you! It took a lot for me to post it but I thought about how many ppl with Trichotillomania feel alone like I did/do and so I decided to just go for it. I think it’s important to try to help ppl who are not mentally okay. You never know just how bad it is.
I have trich too! So glad to hear your doing better <3 Pulling from the scalp is hard especially since its so noticeable and can mess with your self esteem big time, but the one upside is that now that my trich is controlled and I’ve stopped pulling gorgeous curls have grown in where I pulled from. Thank you for staying
wait now that your talking about that i think my cousin has that b/c she is always pulling her eyelashes and her arm hair omg thank you for warning me with this ima need to talk to my aunt
Oh my gosh! You’re the first person Ive ever seen to have trichs!
I’m glad I stayed. Had I not, I would’ve missed the chance to meet my younger sister and brother.
Also, how long did it take for you to control it and what helped? I know everyone is different but I really don’t want to deal with this for the rest of my life.
What’s worse about me is that I have natural hair and there are so many hairstyles that I want to do but I can’t bc of my trichs. It messes with my self esteem to do my hair bc I have to find why’s to cover the patches up.
Im really happy your doing ok now Opening up about something so personal is not easy, so thanks for sharing that with us I’ll be encouraging you to keep on going because its worth it.
I used to get bullied also and the last year i didn’t talk to anyone and didn’t like going out , it was even hard for me to get out of bed but i started to crochet again and one good friend of mine helped me realize It was ok if i felt like i didn’t want to do anything but that just finishing small tasks everyday can make you feel better
Im also really grateful for this crochet community
Kids can be so cruel. I remember in 6th grade starting at a new school and looking for a place to sit. I noticed all the tables full except one. It had one girl sitting there. I knew about her. Her hair was unbrushed, teeth unbrushed, drab clothes, sometimes snot running out her nose. I plunked down my tray next to her and just started talking.
People don’t get to choose who they are born to, what resources they are born into, what color their skin is, and so on. So some of the cliques-they need to stop acting like they’re somebody special cuz they got money, the latest in clothes, and so on. It had nothing to do with them.
I’ve attempted suicide 13 times I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with psychosis (not yet diagnosed Dissociative Identity disorder but medically recognized) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Panic attacks. The past 2 years have been a big struggle for me but I’m finally starting to see the light. Thank you for this post ❤️🩹
It took a few months once we actively started treating it with medical professionals. What really did it for me was finding the right medication total life changer.
They make wigs that specifically cover up balled patches kind of like toupees that can be cut to fit you. Depending on your pulling patterns they might help you and allow you to do your hair how you actually want it. : )
Having a mental illness is hard and it makes life hard in a way that others don’t understand. I am so glad you are still here.
I have Bipolar and I was undiagnosed for 10 years. It started when I was 15. My parents didn’t know how to react or how to deal with me. I went from an energetic teen that was happy to one who couldn’t get otu of bed or stop crying. It got so bad that I couldn’t even leave my house by myself or get myself to school. The yelling didn’t help, but I try not to hold it against them now that I’m older. Its hard to combat something you don’t know or understand. They tried to get me help with doctors, but unfortunately due to me being young, they assumed it was anxiety or that I was “just young and stressed.”
Those 10 years were incredibly hard and lonely for me and there were times I almost didn’t make it through, but I finally had a doctor diagnose me properly and get me the help I needed. Its been hard for my parents to wrap their heads around, but they are trying.
I think our teen years and 20’s are hard enough without having mental illness, but trust me when I tell you it does get better. I never used to believe anyone when they told me that, but it does. You eventually figure out who you are, what you like, what you can do to help yourself, and you find others that care for you no matter what and that will go out of their way to do things that work for you.
You also become quite comfortable. with yourself and your illness. I no longer look at my mental illness as a burden or something to be ashamed of or even an “illness”. I look at it as part of myself now. I used to think I was broken, but that’s not true at all. My brain is just a little different, that’s all.
Are there still bad days, weeks, and months? Absolutely 100%. Coming to accept yourself makes those days a little easier.
Its not easy opening up to people and I’m so glad you feel safe to do so here. Keep fighting!
I’ll be encouraging you to keep on going 
because its worth it.