Toxic positivity is incredibly harmful and invalidating. I’m so glad to see more people calling this out
I like cliches but not these types.
If you can’t tell me the reason, even if it were true, it wouldn’t make an ounce of difference
What doesn’t kill you can make you weaker, and there’s no reason for things to happen, Life is ramdom.
Hmmm, I can’t agree. Everything does happen for a reason. Sometimes it’s something random or on purpose that someone else does that causes it, sometimes it’s something we did that causes it, sometimes it’s an intervention from Our Father in Heaven, but there’s always a reason, just not always the reason we may think.
I also do believe that everything we go through makes us stronger and hopefully better, what we learn from our experiences is up to us. Something’s may be horrible, something’s we may go through maybe more than others can bare and visa versa, but I believe that our experiences are tailored for us. Hard times teach us compassion and empathy, and learning to help other instead of putting our selves first. Serving and helping others who may be suffering is innate in some and must be developed in others, we are all different with different abilities, the same for all things we are learning, rather they are physical or spiritual lessons. I learned to forgive an ex whos treatment of me was so overwhelming I had a breakdown that took me years to heal. But I didn’t know he was suffering from PTSD from Viet Nam. We can’t judge things through our eyes only, we would miss important things.
Try not to demand too much from others and learn to be kind, treating others the way you hope to be treated and forgiving those who do not. You don’t have to be around those who treat you badly, but forgiving is to heal us, it brings peace to our hearts. Hate and bitterness is a cancer to our soul.
I agree with you @LDSVenus.
I also agree with what I’ve posted because of the dismissive tone in which some people say it.
Those who tend to be dismissive of your pain are not comfortable holding a space for pain in others let alone in themselves.
But, then again, I think some people are shallow and selfish.
they are the ones who need to learn, and I believe they will at one time or another.
I think it’s important to also remember that not everyone believes in (the same version of) an all-powerful creator with a plan. Perhaps the idea that our hardships are part of a larger plan or “tailored for us” can offer comfort to some. To others, it’s little more than a BS cliché which only serves to dismiss those hardships.
The response should be an extension of empathy, holding space, and allowing those emotional experiences we deem “negative”. They are as much a part of life as the “positive”. Maybe my challenges and obstacles have made me who I am, but that doesn’t require me to be grateful for them.
It goes beyond the gross invalidation of toxic positivity. These clichés, and the preachy, condescending nonsense that often accompanies them, actually harms victims. It’s also heavily wrapped up in the dominant system of oppression, which skews monotheistic, patriarchal, colonial, and ableist. Again, these clichés may help some people, but they can be incredibly dangerous when projected onto others.
For a personal example, I’ve learned to recognize patterns in others to avoid so that I can avoid further abuse… but I would rather have just not been abused in the first place. I’ve experienced health challenges that have forced me to re-define what success and happiness look like, but I’d rather just not be in daily pain.
Just because someone is forced to survive, making what they can of their situation, doesn’t mean they are better for it. Such an assertion is just perpetuating harm.
Yes, we can overcome AND wish we didn’t have to overcome.
We can advocate for others with compassion AND wish we weren’t victims in the first place.
We can identify predators and warn others AND wish we didn’t have this knowledge.
Ok, imma stop there, it’s going to turn into a poem if I keep going.
I enjoy the poem! You’re right, it’s that contradiction that needs to be acknowledged and validated. The healing process is so complex, individual, and non-linear.
Thanks sweetie. I can tell that you’re a good listener.
I will just repeat, hate and bitterness is a cancer to our soul.
Hey, I’m not really sure what you are trying to say by repeating this… @LDSVenus
Nothing in my comment is hateful or bitter. Perhaps you can clarify?
This is not the place for this kind of a discussion and I’m not going to argue with you. That being said, we can agree to disagree and enjoy what we do agree on, our love of fiber arts.
I can appreciate an aversion to difficult philosophical conversations, though I didn’t think we were arguing… I simply asked for clarification about why you found my comment warning about the perpetuation of systems of oppression through toxic positivity to be “hateful and bitter”.
That seemed to be a surprising and unnecessary escalation on your part. Perhaps if you were not comfortable with such a discussion, you wouldn’t have initiated it? I think we can agree that this was not the place to further invalidate OPs perspective by parroting the exact behaviour this post referred to.
I do apologize for trying to call you in though, I should have realized the futility of responding and the discomfort it would produce for you. but I tend not to focus on usernames. Please take care
. much love anyway