Story:
My mam said I can’t be bisexual until I have a crush on a girl. I argued back and said this: ‘Does that means I can’t be non binary until I meet another non binary person?’ This went back and forth for a bit and she said:‘no because that’s what you identify as. I have 1 lesbian sister and 2 gay brothers. You can’t be bisexual until you like a girl!’ I replied with:’ I also identify as bisexual tho’. Then she went quiet and we didn’t talk for about 15 mins. This was a few days ago so there’s no tension anymore but we haven’t brought it up since
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I’m not asking for anyone to feel bad for me, I just want to know was I in the wrong?
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I wouldn’t say anyone was in the wrong, if anything you both were in the right including your mom. I see where she’s coming from because how else are supposed to know you’re bisexual if you don’t/haven’t had a crush on a girl?
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Yeah I see where you’re coming from.
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… you have a lot of siblings
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I think she kinda has a point no one is in the wrong but I don’t think you can identify as bisexual and how would u know if u haven’t had a crush on a girl?
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You don’t need to have a crush on someone to know you like someone of the gender :)
You can apply it to being straight/gay as well, not just bi - but bi erasure is a lot more prominent in society
Like, say you’ve never had a crush before, but you know with certainty that you’re attracted to the opposite gender, and not homosexual - it’s the same concept. You don’t need to apply something to know it to be true!
People’s definitions of a “crush” can also be different! You can be attracted to people without having a crush on them; I could think “oh hey, she’s really pretty, I wouldn’t say no if she asked me out” but not inherently have a crush because frankly you don’t really know that person well enough to develop something like that
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I count a crush as a ‘oh I think there attractive’
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In my opinion simply thinking that is an extremely loose definition of a crush 
I think plenty of people are attractive because they’re pretty but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to be with them (the concept of gender envy applies more to me I think, they’re attractive in a way that I wish I could look like them)
Attraction comes in many different forms 
I generally associate romantic attraction with crushes vs aesthetic attraction which is just “pretty”
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Crushes feel a lot deeper to me than just surface level attraction
Like you have to legitimately know the person to develop a crush but maybe that’s just me, again adding on to the idea of everyone’s idea of a crush being different
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I’m not saying pretty I’m saying attractive like I want to be with them
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No, my mam. She has 5
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I can see her point but why does it matter to her? what matters is whether she’ll support and love you no matter what you identify as? I dont care what my daughter grows up to be as long as she’s happy and not with someone dodgy (of either sex). Being with a good person who treats her well is whats most important imho.
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Idk what lead up to the conversation but you make sense
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Very complicated answer… i am straight but i think women are sexy… no urge to be with them what so ever. So i do agree with your mom that you would have to have a crush on a person of the same sex to be either a lesbian or bisexual. The whole “what you are” is very confusing for so many people especially when you are a teenager.
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It’s your decision whether or not to identify with a label. I see what she means - but I’d argue that bisexuality is about attraction, not crushes. You might be attracted to a person of the same gender as yourself, but not necessarily have a crush on them. But the definition of bisexuality is what you make of it. If one bisexual person describes their experience as having crushes on 2 or more genders, then that is what bisexuality means to them. But another bisexual person might describe it as attraction to 2 or more genders. Another might not distinguish between crushes and attraction. A lot of bisexual people are biromantic, but not necessarily. Sexuality is complex, and labels are an attempt to describe it in words, when there is not one perfect definition to describe everyone who uses that label. If you want to identify with the label bisexual and that feels comfortable for you, nobody has the right to tell you that you’re wrong for that. She hasn’t lived your experience, and nobody knows your sexuality better than yourself.
Basically, she can’t tell you whether or not to identify with a label. Definitions of labels will vary from person to person, and it’s up to you if you want to use that label. Nobody gets to tell you that your identity is invalid just because it varies from someone else’s identity who uses the same label.
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I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to police anyone else’s identity, even if it’s your mom. If you know you’re attracted to both/any gender, then you get to decide which label, if any, to use for yourself. You don’t necessarily have to have a crush on a specific girl to know you like feminine traits (or whatever else is attractive about girls). I think that may be where the confusion or miscommunication is happening. You get to choose your own labels based on how you genuinely feel.
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