This goes for how you speak to yourself too.


That’s how I was raised. Never good enough. The last thing my mama said to me … Nevermind, that’s in the past, I have forgiven her. I know better now.


Yes, I know the feeling too Marilyn. I hated myself so much as a teenager. I know better now too.
:heart::heart::heart:and hugs.


Everytime I did something, or try to do something at all, my dad’s response was screaming “NO NOT LIKE THAT” among other things. I still have a difficult time doing anything new, I become so unsure of myself. I struggle with decision making. Always feels like I’m doing it wrong. My inner child is afraid of getting yelled at again.


He must have had a great deal of anxiety to want to control everything around him, including people.
What you described above I see A LOT in male veterans or guys with PTSD.

This in no way negates your experience, it still hurts and sucks. Just another perspective.


Thanks, but it’s not the only issue with my dad. He’s also gaslighting, dismissing, racist, homophobic, transphobic, violent and abusive :confused:


Well crap.

That is all.


Hate to read that so many of you went through so much. Had some similar issues with my parents. My dad is still toxic, I decided he is no longer a part of my life. My mom is doing much better through age and communication. We get along very well now. Just have to dig deep, tell yourself everyday that you are worth it and no one defines you but you! I will also say however, I do believe that constructive positive criticism is healthy. Did this with my daughter. She is 19 now and we have always been close, talks to me about anything and almost everything! Privacy is important too ofc, I shouldn’t know everything! Setting goals and boundaries are a part of this too tbh. Sorry for the long post and sounding like I’m a counselor. I do wish you all the best of times in your future!:heart:


I believe the key resides in consent when it comes to criticism. I mean, of course, unless your child is doing something that could potentially harm them in a way or another. Offering criticism can be helpful, but sometimes, might not be necessary.


Yes, sometimes it doesn’t need to be said. It’s unreasonable to even say it.

I think every person that is going to be a parent should take a child development course.
The wittle ones are NOT little adults. They are not capable of weighing the options and how each decision affects their future. That is the premise of consent. In some developmental disorders this premise for consent continues to be absent.

Which leads to the next point, vulnerability. These wee ones need basic needs met, a safe environment so they “play”, and ongoing guidance to help them see how their decisions/behaviors affect them, the environment, and the people around them in a safe/gentle/firm manner. They need protection from those who prey on vulnerable people.

My heart breaks so much when I see a mother screaming at their child. Most of the time she is screaming about something unrealistic, she doesn’t understand that children communicate through behavior as they cannot articulate anything really. Their higher brain isn’t developed yet. Many times they want your attention and will settle for negative attention even if that’s the only attention they get.
Parents! Lean IN to being a parent, it’s not a journey of endurance until they leave the house. Delight in your children, when they feel safe, you’ll see how wonderfully funny, curious, full of wonder, honest, and oh so much fun!
The years under 12 are the years in which you want to build equity with your children so that they can trust you to help them navigate through the teenage years.

I’m not going to apologize for length. This is something I’m very passionate about.


I meant more, for older children who are able to make their own decisions and such. But there is a difference between criticism and guidance. Saying “we don’t put scissors in the outlet” is not criticism it’s a safety guideline, life saving intervention to then take the scissors off their hands.

But telling your kid


Yeah you’re starting to look really big

would not be a good thing to say, at all, unless your child deliberately asks you about their body.
My mom said this exact thing to me when I was 12 and was barely starting to have some shapes and it shreded my self esteem loll.


Goodness when I see that happening in public it always triggers me and gets me mad :dizzy_face: like, how is the kid even supposed to know that?


Teenagers are more dependent on whomever their parent than they let on. :wink:
However, the caveat is that this parent hasn’t fractured the relationship.

By the way, good conversation!


I agree with these statements. I did take a parenting class when my daughter was young. Our conversations have always been open and calm. I’ve always been an encouraging mother. I always told her, you can always talk to me free from judgment and screaming. That solves nothing. I want to be the mother you seek help from and feel safe. She has thanked me so many times for being an awesome mom. I always tell her thank you, it’s always been a blessing to be a mother with such a wonderful daughter! Thanks all for the conversation. You all are very lovely.


Also… yes it breaks my heart to see parents do that to their children, (the screaming and rudeness) just makes me wanna take them home with me, just hug them and talk while we craft something together. Children need to be heard, helped and nurtured.


this is so true​:cry::disappointed_relieved: