narrative cinderella story

heyy guyss!! ok so i had to write a twisted fairytale narrative for english and i was wondering if u guys would like to read it. its kinda long so u dont gotta read the whole thing and im trying to have underwater cinderella vibes. lemme know if u hv any suggestions bc its due next week (plot, storyline, character development, dialogue, grammer, character names… if u read the whole thing idk what i was thinking with earrings and a fairy seahorse :sob: )
taglist @JaeaRenee @Pickle42 @ambre3

Pearl of the Sea
An Underwater Cinderella Tale

A long time ago in the sea of Oceana there lived a young mermaid named Pearl. She was very pretty and had purple hair and hazel brown eyes. Everyone in the sea envied her and wished they were as beautiful as her. Her parents, the gods of the sea Poseidon and Amphitrite, loved her very, very much. They were a perfect family until Amphitrite came down with a sickness and passed away. Poseidon was heartbroken for many years until he accidently fell in love with Ursula masked in a nereid body. Poseidon married Ursula unknowingly and helped take care of her two daughters too. Ursula stayed in the body for a few years until Poseidon sadly passed as well. Pearl was devastated and now had no family, none other than her stepmother Ursula who finally revealed herself after his passing.
Ursula was very cruel, maybe because she was the witch of the sea. She made Pearl do all of her chores, catching fish for them, making dinner, cleaning the sea cave, and even scaring away fishermen. After all of these chores, she didn’t even look close to what she looked like before. With all of the dirt and grime she had from cleaning. Her stepsisters made her life no easier too. They were very spoiled and always wanted the best food and entertainment. Pearl longed for a better life and wished her family was with her, but all she could do was hope.
One day, they all received a message in the mail coming from none other than Prince Aalton, son of Oceanus. They were holding a ball for all the young mermaids to see who would take the hand of the prince. Of course, no one knew of Pearl. After her parents died, everyone assumed that she had passed too. That’s why Poseidon’s brother took the throne. Pearl’s stepsisters were delighted and jumping with joy. They were going to wear the prettiest dress imaginable and have the most beautiful hair-do They had no doubt that one of them was going to win the favor of the prince. But now, Pearl had even more work to do, she had to sew them dresses.
“Faster! Faster!” Shouted one of the stepsisters.
“You call that a dress?” shouted the other.
“Oh no-,” said Pearl. “When will I-”
“When will you what?” They yelled.
“Well… when will I get to make my dress for the ball?” She stammered.
“What? Who said you were ever going to the ball?” Her stepmother asked.
“Looking like…THAT?” Her stepmother and stepsisters were almost falling to the sand with laughter. “Who would even let you into the ball?” Then they started giggling again.
“I may look like a mess, but I promise I can clean myself up in no time, I swear!” She thought to herself, daydreaming about what it would be like to meet the prince.
Soon after, the big day of the ball came. Pearl had done all of her chores and cleaned everything in the house in hopes that her stepmother might change her mind. As she approached Ursula many thoughts swarmed her at once. “What if she says no? What if she does though?” She had no more time for thinking. “Hello stepmother, are you almost ready for the ball?” She said in her sweetest voice.
“Yes, why do you ask, stepdaughter?” She asked slyly
“No reason” Pearl replied “I was just wondering if I could go to the ball with you,” she said quickly as if all the words came out at a million miles per hour. She hadn’t even meant to say it, it just came out.
“Haha of course not darling. You’re going to stay home and do all of your chores, just as you’re supposed to.”
“But… but… I already did them,” she said
“Oh, you did?” She said very surprised
“Yes stepmother”
“Well then…”
Pearl had some hope. Maybe, just maybe, her stepmother would allow her to go to the ball
“…No,” her stepmother said without hesitating.
“No time for buts, time to go,” said her stepmother swimming out the door
Pearl was devastated, but ultimately knew she wasn’t going to be able to go from the very beginning. “Oh well,” she said sorrowfully. “Guess i’m not going to the ball” Then, she started crying. Tears came out like a big fountain while she sat there, wishing for a better life. “I really wish I could go to the ball,” she said to herself. Then, all of the sudden, a ginormous seahorse appeared in a flurry of bubbles. It was wearing a beautiful gold tiara with seashells around it and had a magnificently big wand.
“You called?” said the seahorse.
Pearl was very shocked. What was going on around her? “You- you… Can talk?” she stammered hoping to know how the seahorse got into the cave.
“Why yes, of course I can talk!” I’m your fairy seahorse.
“I called you?” Pearl said quizzically
“Yes! I know your wish and I shall grant it tonight!”
“But… My wish is impossible. How could I possibly go to the ball when my stepsisters and stepmother are-”
“Excuse-me! Did I not just come out of some bubbles?! Come on! We have no time to waste”
And with that, the fairy seahorse and Pearl got straight to work.
“I can’t possibly go to the ball wearing this,” Pearl said looking down at her dirty tail and rags
“Of course you can! All you need is some magic,” as she spoke, she tapped her wand on Pearl’s head. Soon after, a big whirl of bubbles emerged from thin air. As Pearl gently stepped into the soft sand, all her senses returned to her. The smell of salt water, the sound of the sea animals, and the taste of the ever so unique sea water.
“Come on! Take a look!”
Pearl looked down very surprised to see what she was seeing. She was wearing a beautiful sea-shell coated dress with many sequins. She also had a golden tiara, just like the one the fairy seahorse had. “I, I, i’m lost for words,” she said astonished
“You missed something,” The fairy seahorse said handing her a mirror
“What am I supposed to do with-” Then she saw them. She was wearing the most beautiful earrings that ever existed. “What are these?” Pearl said excitedly
“These are special handcrafted earrings I had made just for you,” said the fairy
“Am I dreaming?” Pearl asked very amazed by what was happening to her
“Of course you aren’t sweetie, now come on, we still have one more thing to do”
In a blink of an eye, the fairy seahorse made a turtle appear, then she tapped her wand on him and he grew to a huge size.
“This will be your transportation,” She said with a slight tone in her voice that made you know she wasn’t messing around
“A…turtle?!” she asked
“Yes, yes. Now I still have one more thing to explain to you.”
“Ok, i’m listening”
“You better be. The magic only lasts until midnight. Once the clock strikes twelve, it will all be over. Everything will be how it was before.”
“Ok, then I’ll just leave the ball early”
“Yes darling, good idea”
Then, the fairy seahorse said, “I guess my work here is done”
Before Pearl had a chance to thank her, she was gone in the sea of bubbles
Was this really real? But there she was in her shimmering dress.
“Coming?” said the sea turtle
“I guess it was real,” Pearl said as she hopped onto the back of the turtle, starting their journey to the Prince’s castle.
During the ball, the prince was feeling unsatisfied. “Why did all of the mermaids have to be the same? Couldn’t there be someone who was different?” He thought to himself
“Why do you have that horrible look on your face?” asked his father “You would think I wasn’t holding a ball for you to find your future bride,” he said
“I know you want me to have a good future and all, but there’s nothing special about these mermaids,” he said. He had already met all of the young mermaids at the ball, but after he said “Hello” there was nothing else to say.
“Wow! Look!” someone said as they pointed to the big arched entry in the middle of the castle.
All heads turned just in time to see Pearl in her glimmering dress. She held her head high as she swam through the doors. No one knew who she was, yet everyone knew she was extremely beautiful.
“Who is that mermaid?” the prince said in a mixture of awe and astonishment. “I need to know,” he said, and off he went to go ask her to dance.
“Have we met?” He asked her as he swam over, inching closer and closer to her
“I don’t believe so,” she said with a slight bow
“I feel as if I know you,” he said
“That would be impossible,” Pearl said with a laugh
At that moment, the prince felt a slight leap in his heart. He knew this was the one. As he and Pearl danced, they lost track of time, spinning each other round and round one song after the next. As the night ran on, many of the other mermaids became jealous.
“Why is he dancing with HER?”
“Why can’t he give us a chance?,” they said
All the Prince wanted to do, though, was stay with Pearl. They kept dancing and dancing, until Pearl looked up at the huge clock on the wall of the luxurious castle.
“Oh no!” Pearl thought, panicking. “Only 2 more minutes until 12!”
“It’s almost midnight!” she said to the prince, hoping to tie up their dance
“Why does it matter?” The prince replied without a care in the world about what was going on outside of their dance
“I must go!” Pearl said. Now there was only a minute left
“But why? We just met!,” said the Prince
“I’m so sorry, I must go!” She said back at him swimming as fast as she could back to her cave. “Goodbye!”
“Please, please, just stop for a moment, I didn’t even get your name!”
“Oh dear!” she said as one of her beautiful earrings fell off. “I cannot waste another moment,” she thought, and kept swimming
DONG the clock cried. It was now midnight
“Wait!” cried the prince as he swam to the doorway. “You…you- you forgot your earring,” he said, so disappointed.
He looked around for her beautiful dress, but could not find her anywhere. “This is all I have left of her,” he said as he looked at the earring carefully. As he looked, he noticed that the earring was meant to fit only her. They were the perfect size for her head shape and were not too big nor too small.
“I have to find her!” He thought. He wasn’t going to give up hope just yet.
As he searched frantically from cave to cave making different mermaids try on the earrings, he was disappointed every time. “Does she even live here?” He thought, almost giving up hope as he arrived at the last cave.
“He’s coming! He’s coming!” Yelled one of the stepsisters as she looked through the window.
“He’s at the door right now, dummy!” the other one yelled as she pushed her sister aside
“Shhhhhh!” hissed Ursula. “He’ll hear you! Now hurry on and tidy yourselves up. One of you must have your ears fit the earrings. No matter WHAT!” She then turned to see Pearl in the distance. “Go to your room right now!” She yelled at her. “Do not come out until I tell you otherwise”
“Okay stepmother,” she replied as she hid in the kitchen. She wanted to see what would happen
The prince lightly knocked on the door. “Come in!” Ursula said in her sweetest voice. “Welcome to my lovely hospice. I have two very lovely daughters that I’m sure will fit the earring.”
The first daughter sat in the chair. She didn’t even have her ears pierced! “Uhmm?” The prince said. “She doesn’t have her ears pierced,” he told Ursula.
“Oh- umm let me go talk to her,” Ursula replied angrily as she dragged her daughter to her room
“Let me see your other daughter,” the prince said, as he was beginning to really lose hope.
As the second daughter sat in the chair, the prince put the earring into her ear. It looked horrible on her!
“Oh- I guess she doesn’t live in this area then,” the prince said as he started to leave. “Are you sure you have no more daughters?” He asked Ursula at the doorway.
“I’m su-”
“I live here!” Pearl said as she swam out of the kitchen nervously
“What are you do-” the prince cut her off as he said
“Please…ma’am, sit in the chair”
As Pearl sat in the chair, she felt a rush of adrenaline and excitement. She knew it was going to fit. After trying the earring on, the prince yelled “It fits!” He was delighted! “Were you the one at the ball?” he asked trying so hard to contain his excitement
“I was!” Pearl said just as excited
“YOU were the one at the ball?!” Ursula said furiously. “You are not going with him!”
“I am the prince of Oceana and I will be taking her… if she would like to come and be my bride” the prince said with great care
“Of course I would!” Pearl said
The prince looked into Pearl’s loving eyes and remembered that she was the one at the ball. He could no longer see all of the dirt and grime on her face. Brushing some off he said, “I have found you!”
“I have found you too,” Pearl said lovingly
And so the prince pulled the pearl into his arms and they kissed loving each other more every second they were together.
Later, they got married and Ursula and Pearl’s stepsisters got banished from Oceana and Pearl and the prince lived happily ever after.

edit: i edited my story a little bit based on feedback in my google docs (this story is unedited) but still looking for sm feedback my italics dont transfer from google docs :sob:
i will post the finished story when done editing : ))


Overall, its great! there’s some commas missing here and there, though. also, thoughts are usually in itallics. i hope this helps (:


i love it its so good


This is really good although i do have a few suggestions to make it better.
First it is missing a little punctuation here and there.

Tears came out like a big fountain while she sat there, wishing for a better life.
This could be rearranged to be “As she sat there, wishing for a better life, she became a fountain of tears” or “She became a fountain of tears as she sat there, wishing for a better life” I just feel like either of those would flow better as the original sentence is a little clunky.

“Oh no!” Pearl thought, panicking. “Only 2 more minutes until 12!”
Instead of quotations, use italics for thoughts. If you use quotations it can get mistaken for dialogue.


I feel the beginning is a little bit rushed and missing lots of punctuation.
Instead of

They were a perfect family until Amphitrite came down with a sickness and passed away

You could do

They were the perfect family, one you would see in a children’s fairy tale. However, Amphitrite fell to a deadly illness, creating cracks in their family.

As stated before, the sentences are “chunky” and lack a real flow. Take your simple sentences and combine them.

Also, you should set up Ursula more as you just preemptively assume the audience understands who she is.
Hope this helps!


Great! Although gods and goddess can’t die… Lol


omg def will read it all!!!




omg i love this it should be turned into a movie DISNEY WHERE ARE YOU??? i love this cinderella was always one of my fav movies and also ive always loved mermaids!!! you did amazing @notmimi i love this.


omg righttt im lowkey mad at myself rn bc i read like the whole percy jackson series


XD same huge Greek myth fan




Maybe you can say they… Got sent to Tartarus?


I love it so much! I agree with others, some punctuation was missing and the sentences could definitely be edited to flow a bit better.

This part was a little confusing and I had to look twice to figure it out. It would be helpful to specify who said the first quote (I think it was the stepmother) and start a new line for the prince talking.
Overall it was really good and I enjoyed reading it!