Something I'm working on....

Hello!!! I’m new to the Creative Writing space, but I’m currently working on a story for 4H (I take Creative Writing as well as several other projects). Since this work is going to be judged I really need some input. I tried to get my mom to help me, but she doesn’t really have the ‘writerly mind’ :sweat_smile: Anyway, I was hoping some fellow writers would be able to assist me with my dilemma. I would really appreciate any feedback. Both good and bad. Thank you all!!! :blush:

Also, please keep in mind that this story is not fully written yet. I intend on posting it in parts. This story is also a type of Dystopian/sci-fi work. It is my first time writing in this format, so I could really use all the advice I can get. Thank you!

“Who can tell me what year Dr. Phipps’ Population Increase plan was put into action?”
I raise my hand eagerly. Everyone else in my class appears like they are about to doze off. Ms. Davidson’s classes aren’t particularly interesting to them. I however, find the subject of history to be fascinating. Dates, events, people, life, society, what was it all like in the past? Everything was different then. People like me were normal. What would that have been like?
Ms. Davidson glances at my raised hand and looks away, ignoring me. She scans the rest of the classroom. “Come on. You guys know this.” She looks into each students’ eyes expectantly. Except mine.
I wave my hand slightly, trying desperately to get her attention. I know the answer! Once again, I am ignored. I slowly lower my hand as tears well in my eyes. No matter what I did, it would never be enough. Society was determined to remind me constantly of what I was. An Unwanted. I wasn’t labeled an Unwanted for any mental or physical inculpabilities. I wasn’t labeled an Unwanted for something I had, but rather for something I didn’t have. A twin. I was the first, and only person born without a twin since the Population Increase had been implemented. That was over one hundred years ago. It was deemed a scientific impossibility, and yet… here I was.
Tears fall from my eyes onto my notebook, soiling the pages. Ms. Davidson glares at me.
“Is something wrong, Miss Hendrix?”
I quickly wipe away the tears and force a smile on my face. “Not at all, Ms. Davidson.”
The whole class is looking at me now. There are a few snickers and even some whispers.
“Aww… the Unwanted is crying,” a boy calls out mockingly.
“Make the Unwanted leave!”
“Send it away!”
If it had been someone else they were bullying, Ms. Davidson would have stopped them immediately. However, it wasn’t someone else. It was me. And she shared the same opinion as the bullies. I was an Unwanted. I always would be. Society would forever see me as an outsider. Unwanted. Unloved. Less then human. Not worthy of life. All because my existence was considered a scientific impossibility. All my life I have delt with that constant reminder.
Ms. Davidson shakes her head and mutters something under her breath. I have to strain my ears to hear her above the chaos. “I can’t deal with this anymore…” What was that supposed to mean?
“Miss Amanda Hendrix!” Ms. Davidson’s sharp tone grabs my attention immediately. “You are hereby dismissed from this class!” The room quieted instantly. The silence is thick and heavy. Everyone is as shocked as I am. Frozen in my seat I wonder, what now?
As if reading my thoughts, Ms. Davidson speaks yet again. “Miss Hendrix, did you not hear me? You are dismissed. You may take your things and leave.” Her tone is harsh and angry, yet there is a hint of something else hidden in its depths. Relief perhaps? Pride? I slowly gather my things and put them into my bag. All the while, I can feel everyone’s gazes boring into me. Not a word is spoken. I am about to close my bag when I spot the extra credit assignment I had completed the night before. I pull it out and numbly walk to the front of the classroom. Not knowing what else to do, I place the assignment on Ms. Davidson’s desk.
“I thought you might like the subject I chose for the extra credit assignment,” I pause and take a deep breath, desperately fighting the tears that threatened to spill over. “Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this class. You were my favorite teacher.”
Ms. Davidson looks at me with disgust and throws the assignment into the trash. This final act proves what I have always been to her. To everyone. An inconvenience. I turn my back on her and exit the room. As soon as I cross the threshold, I hear the whole class erupt into cheers behind me. I can’t take it anymore. I run down the long hallways of the school and out of the building. The tears I had been trying to hold back spill down my face, soaking the collar of my shirt. But I don’t care. The only thing that brought me joy is gone. Even with the scorn that I faced every day, at least in school I had other things to keep me company. Words, numbers, facts, equations that were just waiting to be solved. Now it was all gone. Taken from me in one, short sentence.
I run and run and run. Farther then I ever thought possible. Suddenly, I find myself in a park, surrounded by towering oak trees. I collapse against one and slump to the ground. I can’t seem to control the flow of tears. In a way, I don’t want to stop. Sadness appears to be my best friend. It is the one thing that has never abandoned me. Throughout my entire life, it has always been my constant companion.
I stay in that park for a long time weeping until I believe it is impossible to continue. So consumed by my grief that I don’t notice the person sitting on a bench across the park. I am being watched.



1 Like

Aww, thank you! I’m really glad you like it! :heart: