No need to apologize @Pusheen8806 . You’re a human being and have valid needs and desires.
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Thx
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hello. i have a friend who makes me very uncomfortable, and i no longer like/give hugs to most people because of her, but i don’t want to say anything because (TW, mentions of SH and suicidal thoughts)
she does SH, (stopped now but i don’t want to risk it), and attempted to commit suicide. i’m really scared for her, and she just learned one of her bff’s attempted to commit too, and i’m scared she’ll attempt and succeed this time. i’m also an overthinker, and i overthink anything there is to think about.
i also have anxiety/social anxiety (not diagnosed, sadly) and i had an anxiety attack/panic attack a week ago. i want to talk about it and get proper help, but my parents are very low on money right now. i also think i have depression, considering i don’t want to get up in the morning on school days, and feel the happiest i’ve ever felt in my life every saturday morning. i am very emotionally numb, and my friend who (listed above) asked me “how do you have social anxiety if you can talk normally to these people” (we were in a cooking camp, and i don’t ignore anyone who talk to me since i don’t what to be rude) and a tiny little part in me said “… that’s brutal” but the rest was numb, as if she said “hi” to me. the part that said “ouch! that hurts!” is so little as a tiny flashlight in a sea of darkness. thanks for listening, and sorry if i wasted anybody’s time.
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Well I’ve been having a good weekend even though I’ve been alone since Friday. I haven’t gotten much work done but i do end weaving for a little while. I feel like singing but I had to stop after a while. i could keep coming up with covers. It’s so nice to read people’s comments about me singing. I have a lot of fun doing it. I’m still thinking what I could sing later on. I did a bit of shopping and that makes me feel good. I got some cheap finds but they’re cool. I mainly wanted a bag for my projects and get earphones and milk.
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There’s so much packed in here.
We care about you, and you’re brave to share some of the vulnerable parts of you in this space. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time.
I remember lamenting to a friend about my limited activity, she said something that turned my mind into a better place, why don’t you ask God what you can learn from this.
You don’t have to ask God, but could ask yourself and those you trust what you can learn from your troubles,
Take Care!
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You are NOT wasting anybodys time. If your family is low on money, school counceling is a good thing to do or if you have insurance they can reccomend places that they cover and you wont have to pay for. I overthink things all the time too, but homenstly, if she does/did anything, there really is nothing anything you can do about it, and as heartless and and crual as it may sound, it is NOT your problem OR your responsibility to be her therapist or guide through her emotions. If she does anything, its her problem and her problem alone. I’m not diagnosed either but i also have social and just general anxiety, and i get how hard it can be. Some days i just want to sit in my room and not do anything all day, and honeslty ive lost the ability to cry and actually feel happy. But when it comes down to it, do what YOU need to do if you are uncomfy around or with someone! Ive learned that, if you are uncomfy and you say something about it to whoever is making you uncomfy, and they dont think thats cprrect or valid, screw them! Its ur body and ur comfiness and YOU have a say so about these things! I hope i helped with smt lol im sorry
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I have concerns for my best friend so I’ve been dealing with anxiety as of late. I couldn’t finish a movie I wanted to see: it was interesting but slow moving. I will have to rent it once it comes out of theaters and work on a project. I really miss crocheting baby hats at the theater many years ago or so it seems. I should have probably watched the new Saw movie because horror is great for anxiety. Anyhow I will see my best friend as soon as I can. I was watching Killers of The Flower Moon with a family friend and my mother. I sat in the common area talking to another friend concerning my best friend because he told me what happened to her. I would have done some end weaving because I had a ton of caffeine but now I don’t feel like it. The throw I’m making is a Christmas gift for one of my cousins. I think it may take a week for me to finish but I will have it finished long before Christmas. My best friend wants to buy my Halloween Blanket but there’s no pressure to pay for it yet since she needs to be on the mend first. She loves all of the things I made and I told her over the phone that I love her. She told me she loves me back. I am relived to know she’s gonna be ok. I think she should stop hanging out with an older man who seems to be a bad influence on her even if he gave her a new kitten. Maybe tomorrow I can go back to working on that throw.
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Oh man, navigating all of that., it’s hard. It’s Hard whether you’re young or old.
I’m honored that you felt safe enough to share here.
It’s hard to see others go through something we can’t fix. Or when people make decisions and seem blind to the outcome of their decisions.
All you can do with your friend is tell her you love her, and tell her how you feel about that older man. Share how he has influenced her current behavior and decision making in a negative way. You did good, holding space for her. Holding space for another is good as long as you’re not decompensating yourself. You can’t be there for her or anyone else if you’re going downhill yourself.
Contact me any time, or just continue to write her. I’ll be checking up on you. 
Ps: if your friend is underage and the man is > 18, that’s a real concern.
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I’ve… never related to this more .,. Cuz of covid I was isolated and just got used to my family. So I have trouble talking/getting talked over/not speaking. I “moved” to a new community and everyone is realted to eachother(brothers, sisters, cousins, brother/sister in-law) and I am not related to ANYONE
So you can imagine the inner child in me loving people and wanting to talk, but my older me is shy and/or hyper fixated on smth… so ya… I have trouble talking to people (not online) and my “social anxiety” and/or (I think I have) rejection dystopia 
I can relate (minus the sh/su)
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Things are going to be fine but I don’t want my best friend relapsing. She sounds like her old self but I will encourage her not to drink and that she take her medicine so she can remain sober. I might spend a week with her just so she isn’t lonely nor doing something she’ll regret later on. I feel like I have to be there for her and I would like to. She does need a positive influence even though I am months younger than her. I will try not to look at my phone too much because I need to go back to a Christmas present I’m trying to finish up on.
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I finished the Christmas presents and later on I’ll send them off to my dad to give to my half brother and one of my cousins. I have been at my best friend’s since Saturday. I am around a very loveable kitten and she’s laying on my arm. She feels so warm. I had to get her not play with my yarn nor earphones. However, she wants to eat human food and acts worse than a dog. She had to be put in another room just so I could finish my Gelato in peace. I finished a blanket that is a Christmas present for a cousin and later I’ll send a package to my father of her and my half brother’s throws. I made my half brother a red and black throw. I made my cousin a pink and purple throw. I’ll be seeing one of my uncles on Tuesday and he wants to buy me a meal where he is the manager. I could have had a free meal on Halloween if he was working there but I didn’t know if he’d be at Subway. I haven’t seen him in a long time. I let him have one of my blankets as a 60th birthday present. It has black and green ombre in it. Saturday night I had a health issue, which made me sleep for a long time. I had three dreams: one where I was homeless and had to live at the hospital, another where I was about to marry an ex, and a third one where I was at one of my mother’s church functions. I wonder what else I’ll dream later. I thought I would stay up all night and for the next day but I’m trying to wind down now. I get new glasses in about over a week or so. I am surprised by the choice I made. I didn’t go with black nor purple. Instead they’re clear and pink. Me and my mother both agreed that it looked the best on me. Some glasses made me look like Mrs. Doubtfire and I didn’t want those. I’m surprised that I even wanted them. So it’s different because I have never had clear rims before. I look forward to seeing much better. I hope it’ll help me see patterns and my crocheting better too. Tonight I had to switch between two glasses just to crochet a hat. I even had to put it in time out because I had such a hard time with it. I brought a lot of yarn here just so it can get turned into hats and that I’ll be donating them to a hospital. I’m going off my yarn diet as I had planned because all I need are a couple skeins of two colors. I have a ton of white and red. I could make the Red Cross Blankets or Peppermint Blankets. I know how much my ma wants a peppermint blanket. I haven’t made one yet. I still have finished with making her that Neopolatian Blanket. I know I can get it done someday. I also need to invest in bins for my small yarn stash and blankets too. I believe by the time I get the hang of crocheting hats, I’ll have all of my scrap and leftovers from projects be made into something. Next time I do charity work, I would like to crochet baby blankets and then donate those. I have one blanket I made already so I’ll donate that one too. I’m not sure when I’ll do that. Probably sometime next year.
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I’m having a good time. I just saw my BIL.
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I am currently struggling with bullies. Right now, someone spread a rumor that I called someone a b**** during lunch when I was in the library, which is the telltale sign that it is a rumor, along with the fact that I never called anyone that during lunch. If you don’t know the word I am talking about privately, chat with me, and I will tell you. But I am having the worst problems with a certain girl named Jaylen Burton. She has been a jerk to me since 6th grade, and I am in 8th right now. She said one time that she was done being a bullet, but she just kept going. I have tried to report her, but nothing was done about it.
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School can be tough. You did what you could.
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Do you think you could beat her up? I mean, sometimes the only way to silence a bully is to kick their hmmm mmm.
This may not be a popular opinion nowadays I don’t know.
When I was in 6th grade, while waiting in line for PE a certain girl would get up in my face and challenge me to say “sailor” . I couldn’t say my S’s correctly because of hearing impairment. This went on for like 2-3 weeks( we had PE 2x a week).
I snapped one day, put my fist in her face as hard as I could and the fight was on.
I got in school suspension. I was a straight A student, kept to myself, and never been in a fight in my life.
That girl, along with everyone else left me alone after that, including Junior High and High School.
Sometimes, that’s the only language they understand.
Or, you can turn the other cheek and ask for help to see her in a different way than a bulky.
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So I might have to leave sooner than Saturday. It’s up to a friend of ours that drives us places and hangs out with us on his time off from work. I’m broke from sending a package to my father for some kid family members for this Christmas. But they’re worth every dollar spent. I got to see one of my uncles at his job. He treated me to a lunch and so we talked for a long time and he took a picture of us while on his break. I haven’t seen him since my grandma’s (his and my mother’s mother) funeral. I remembered stuff from my childhood and the funny thing she said to me when I was 9. I’ll have to tell my mother that one though. She likes it when I talk of my grandma. I sure miss seeing her because they would sit around playing cards and my mother would order us dinners to be sent to the nursing home. Meanwhile I would just sit with them and knit. I got her scarf I let her pick and the last gift I gave her, which was a roserary. Sadly it’s broken but it comforted my grandma while she was dying. I went for quite a walk with my best friend later on and we each had Devour Boxes for dinner. This time it was pasta, cheese, and sausage. I got things I needed in the knick of time. I only got so far with one hat and downloaded a row counter. One day I’ll have this hat pattern memorized because I’ll be doing it so much. I’m tempted to get a Stewart’s hat but I can very well make my own and I have a New York one that I wear quite a lot. I shop at Stewart’s a lot. It’s like a mini grocery store in certain regions of New York. When I see my friend we go there a lot. They’re mostly know for their ice cream and milk. I see a lot of them popping up in places. I keep dreaming about returning to an ex but I really don’t want to go back to him. He is trying to copy my twin flame soulmate. So was another ex of mine. They know I like men that are clean shaven with long hair so there has been more than one man who has done that me to get to be my type. I am fine living with my mother for now and seeing my friends as much as I can. I just wish I lived back in my hometown but it’s real expensive to live there. It’s expensive for my apartment as well but we are in a good neighborhood but our building is something else. Hopefully we don’t have to move to a fourth place so soon. But if we do, I’d Rather we move back to my hometown. I also can’t wait until my new glasses arrive. I’ll be able to see much better.
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Thanksgiving I started feeling depressed and I kept drifting in and out of sleep. Black Friday I spent being a comfort for my second and third nieces. I’m teaching them crocheting. They’re going through a tough time right now. I thought I’d spend time with them. I held my third niece for a long time. She was hearing things she shouldn’t have to hear at 6 years old. I’m bonding with them and was hoping to stay another day because on Thanksgiving all I felt was tired and depressed. There shouldn’t have been no reason to. Family wasn’t making me depressed btw. I am just wishing I had a partner by now and my own kids. But things my sister goes through isn’t always peachy and besides my immediate female family members aren’t all that lucky with love either. I hope my sister and BIL could work things out but there might be a divorce even though they haven’t been married long and have 3 kids between them. I told my sister that she’d find love again with either her husband or someone new. She reminds me of myself at times. It seems history repeating itself from what my own mother went through with my father. I think my sister should have went to the hospital and put her on some meds but he wouldn’t take her. Instead they argued. She could have used the peace and quiet and the help that they could provide her. I know it worked its wonders for me and I’m much better because of it. I think she could have gotten the help she needs. I like my BIL but he’s been in the wrong for a long time now. He drinks more than he should. He wasn’t so bad before. But it breaks me to see him acting the way he has. Yet my older nieces are wanting to learn crocheting and I’m teaching them how to do chains. They’re 12 and 6. I will be getting them more than one present. I’ll be making them blankets, getting packets of crochet hooks and their own yarn. My sister could probably teach them when I’m not here. Here is to also hoping my fourth niece takes an interest too. Her brain is advanced at 3 so I hope soon I can teach her. I hope to spend time with her again. I wish I still had those videos where she was tangled up in my yarn. It was awfully cute. I’m gonna have to make her a blanket too. And that will also have to get me to crochet a blanket for my fifth niece. I can make her something pink and white. Either that or give her the blanket that one of my cousins never picked up. But I want her to have the pink and white one. And there needs to be a blanket for their couch here if they would like. I hope my sister would go back to crocheting because I think that’ll help her cope with her mental health. She needs that outlet. I know it helps me. I think we need to go yarn shopping together.
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Im dealing with way too much anxiety rn between some real life s*** and also my mum hates me talking online due to past experiences, and even though I’ve kept everything separate and safe, i still worry shes gonna find out somehow, even though the convos I’m having are for testers, which i need to run my business. I need her help setting up stripe tomorrow and I’m so paranoid that shes gonna get mad at me for trying to do what i love. I’ve kept it how she wants it, tried to avoid pming, and everything! But i still worry!
I have such a deep rooted paranois and anxiety because of her, and i want to let it go. But i cant. Every time someone asks for my phone. Or gets too close to it, ipens it, opens a door late at night, my sister stirs in her sleep, my bame gets called, my mom gets home, loud noises, sudden grabbing,
I freak.
And i dont know what to do anymore.
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I also have ADHD, but they only know it. It’s a shame they’re only discovering it now instead of my youth. a lot could have been prevented. Crocheting helps to be a bit calmer. it’s a fun addiction that I can’t live without
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