So this is my first time in this space but as I’ve mentioned before I’m autistic and that comes with a lot including quite a few mental health issues. I go to a pretty good Christian school with some accommodations, and a lot of the people there are pretty nice, but I’m so tired. Even getting up in the morning is so hard for me in a way that people just don’t understand but I have to do it every day and it’s just normal for almost everyone else.
No break after that, have to do really hard long classes, have to pretend to be engaged in it, and it’s so hard not to zone out but if I do I’m going to miss a lot and have to try to learn it in my own. not to mention algebra, which takes me way longer to comprehend than so many people. We work in groups in it which is so unfair, because whoever doesn’t understand immediately is going to be left completely confused but forced to not only do work but talk to people about stuff you don’t even understand whatsoever. They talk about everyone learns at their own pace for math at the beginning of the year but then the class system makes it out to be absolutely miserable for the people who are “learning at the different pace”. I’m so grateful to God actually because I got partnered with two of my besties in class today and it kind of saved my sanity
. I actually am pretty good at school too I make good grades and stuff so it’s hard for people to get the fact that I’m crashing out.
But yeah then I get home from school and I don’t have time to do anything I enjoy because I have to get my homework done because if not I’ll be up too late doing it and the cycle will begin again but on 5 hours of sleep.
I have pretty good friends but I know 0 other autistic girls and some people might kinda like the same stuff as me but I just love so much stuff so deeply and I want to talk about it and I want people to be interested and people just honestly aren’t and it’s hard. I have a friend with adhd and we are into totally different stuff but she’s awesome: I listen to her and she listens to me but it’s hard for both of us because neither of us are interested in the others special interest whatsoever
. Besides her I don’t think anyone I know gets into stuff how I do. Like fr: my friend emailed why I’m team Peeta and I wrote an entire essay with 8 paragraphs (she was actually interested though, she just doesn’t like stuff the same way
) I just feel lonely because I know so few people with hyperfixations and special interests, and the people who have them are cool but into completely different stuff so we can’t really have two sided conversations about it for either of us.
I also have a lot of interests in like the media and issues and corporations and phrases and valuing art and stuff like that which is why I watch way too many video essays lol. But none of family want to hear which is fair but I just feel like I get hit with the it’s not that deep when it really is that deep and it’s hard to care so much about issues and everyone around you doesn’t give a (insert word idk lol). Also even though I explain it so many people just don’t get why I’m not okay or why I’m so tired or why I don’t want to talk and it just gets difficult.
It’s also such a challenge because whenever workload or stress is upped I go into the bad stims or habits which for me is skin picking. I have pretty decent skin as well, but if I’m stressed and I feel anything messing up the surface, it actually makes me so ridiculously annoyed that I have to rip it off. Like bruh. That’ll definitely help in the future aMiRiGhT!??? If anyone has struggled with it and has tips lmk please.
I dealt with a lot of mental illness last year(idk if I want to talk about it that much but it was hard), and things have been a bit better for the past few months, but since summer I’ve just barely had time to enjoy doing doing stuff due to how drained I am. Just got back on ribblr after a justified several month crashout from doing stuff and I missed it so much
. I hope if you’re going through the same thing this helped u feel seen a bit. Just wanted to once again say I’m really grateful for my school specifically but for school in general… no I’m done whose idea was this
