So to start off, I was born intersex, but I currently identify as female, as I was born more female than male if that makes sense. I’m questioning my gender and I don’t know how I feel anymore. There are times when I feel masculine, but not male. There are times when I don’t feel like I fit into any category of gender. There are times when I feel female. There are times when I feel like I fit into multiple gender categories. Any time I go and use a new set of pronouns or anything, It feels good, but wrong. I’m very confused. I look very feminine, and I like that at times, but the next day I wanna dress like Adam Sandler. I sometimes want long hair but other days I want to cut my hair to look more nonbinary. Most of the time I feel either female, masc female, or nonbinary. I just don’t know what fits me or how I feel. Sometimes I’ll wear a binder and I feel so euphoric, but the next day I am happy with what I have. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I am hoping someone will know the feeling and can maybe help me?
I know I could have put this in the LGBTQ+ Personal Space, but like a few other spaces I’m in, it seems kinda dead and I wanna reach a wider audience who may be able to help.
Im so sorry youre going through this, i struggle with being confused with friend things but not my identity.
Ill be praying that you can navigate through this and work your way through the confusion!
Yeah, it’s pretty hard sometimes for me too :/ I’m a girl, and tbh I couldn’t see myself even trying to be anything else, but sometimes I just wish I was a boy so badly. But I’m starting to see that I just don’t match my parent’s ideals of what’s girly n stuff. I really want to feel comfortable with who I am. Working on that :]
Wishing u the best <3
To help in the hair situation you could keep your hair at a reasonably short length and maybe get a couple of wigs some natural and some a little more stand out(colourful) ones, they don’t have to be expensive ones as long as you look after them. I wish you the best of luck figuring yourself out enough to live your life as you whoever that turns out to be on whatever day
The only problem with that is that I enjoy the feeling of being nonbinary the most. Idk how to explain that better. Is that still gender fluid bc at other times I’m so happy being a girl?
So much love and support to you!! I have a few friends who are gender fluid, and your description sounds similar to what they’ve described. I don’t have personal experience that matches up (I am a woman who is married to a woman, and divorced from a man, so there’s that, but nothing related to my own gender identity), so I can’t speak to that directly, but I know several people who do, and I hope you know you are far from alone in this. It is so much more common than people talk about, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!
Yes, it is still gender fluid to identify as nonbinary most of the time and feel more female at other times. Some gender-fluid people also identify as nonbinary. Hope that helps.
Why do you need to label yourself as anything? It seems to be a trend to be this or be that and have a label. Be who you want to be on a day to day basis rather than putting yourself in a particular box.
It might be an idea to speak to a professional who can help you decide which gender you feel most comfotable with. Failing that stop looking at yourself as a gender but as a person with both traits. When you feel femanine be femanine same too with your masculinity. As for your hair, more and more guys are wearing their hair longer these days. Sam Ryder is 1 example.
Speaking as a silly trans guy
Don’t try and force yourself into one category, remember that you can be more neutral, masc, and even femme within the same gender.
You don’t have to settle on something now, just wear what makes you happy in the moment <3
You’re a kid, and you’re still figuring things out, just don’t force yourself into a box and regret it later yk.
Like although I’m confident that I’ve found the thing for me (a guy since 2022) that can change in a few years.
The labels on clothing don’t tell you what you should be, you define that for yourself.
Hello, @Zodiredo! I’m so glad you shared and want to let you know that you are not alone. I’m in my thirties and I’ve struggled with my gender identity all of my life. I want to let you know, it does get easier.
I believe you may benefit from rolling with the tides. "Today I feel more feminine, and that’s fine. " “Today, I am masculine; and that’s fine.” You are perfectly fine the way you are, there is no need to change anything but your mindset. Don’t push. You are who you are. You’re beautiful and perfect.
On a second note, if you do feel completely overwhelmed you may need help, psychological and/or medical.
You said you are intersexed, perhaps there may be a hormonal imbalance causing the distress? Sometimes, especially if you’re young, your hormones can make you feel way more uncomfortable than you should feel as they work on regulating themselves, this could be adding to your very real dysphoria.
Either way, you may benefit from seeing to your GP, and speaking to a therapist expierenced with LGBTQ+ issues. I by no means am a doctor of any sort, and I hope you don’t feel I’m making light of your very valid emotions.
Though I had no real idea what gender identity was as a child, the feelings were very, very real. As I’ve grown older, I’ve been able to be much more comfortable in my assigned gender, but I acknowledge to those that care, that I am gender fluid, female presenting. It’s easier for me, and I’m comfortable with that. I hope that you soon, can find the place you are happy with. You are a person, human, real and valid. You don’t need to fit into any boxes. You will have a great life.
This seems really hard, i would just use zee/zer pronouns as that kinda non binary, girl or boy, cus it kinda incapulates all of them, i was in ur position but have found my indentity and in that time i had really short hair and when i wanted to be more feminine i would wear a wig
So gender dysphoria (gd) starts to affect people in early childhood— at around 2-4 years old— and its this nasty feeling that haunts you for the rest of your life. Just because you may feel uncomfortable now (like through puberty) doesn’t mean that is how you’ll feel for the rest of your life.
Feeling uncomfortable about your gender during puberty is normal. A lot of people go through it.
I recommend doing more research into what it is and how it affects different people. I strongly recommend talking to a psychologist about how you feel to actually understand what you’re going through.
This is something that I struggle with on the daily. I’ve experienced dysphoria since I was young and it’s taken me almost 40 years to see myself as just a soul floating in a body that happens to look the way that it does and something about that challenges me to see the fun and everything instead of the obstacles just know that you aren’t alone and a changing perspective is something that you’re allowed to have
I had met someone with the same situation. Their family disowned them. So disheartening, especially since a medication the mother took to prevent miscarriage was the cause and the Dr told the parents to choose their sex without realizing internally had no female organs.
Praying for clarity through your process, that you find peace and deep security in who you are and who you were created to be. Every trial we have can be used for greater good. Who knows who you will be able to help down your journey.
I can’t speak for, or make assumptions about what is really going on, but what I can add to this conversation is my own experience. I was born female (and still am), but in my teens and pre-teens I felt like I should have been born a boy. I rarely dressed like a girl, I hung out mostly with boys, did “boy things”, and just… felt it.
Gender dysphoria wasn’t something I knew about back then, which I’m kind of happy about now, because it would have changed my life - a life that I would have regretted, looking back 20 years later.
I am living happily as a woman now (even though I still only rarely wear dresses/skirts and only wear mascara when out in public (or I just look like I’m sick, haha)). I paint my nails maybe 3 times per year, but that’s basically it when it comes to makeup.
I was (and still am) a tomboy. And that was something I didn’t understand when I was in my teens. Also something that I didn’t understand was that it was (and is) okay to be one.
I don’t know if my experience is of any use, but I thought I’d put it out there, in case it helps.
I’ll also echo what other people have said; it can be useful to speak to a psychiatrist if you need to sort things out. Maybe you’re also a tomboy, maybe something else is going on.
Either way, I wish you the best of luck figuring yourself out! All well wishes onto you!
Yeah I get it. I’m non-binary but assigned female at birth so I feel very similar to you. I present female most of the time and I can’t put into words how I feel sometimes when it comes to gender. But that’s the wonderful thing about this, it’s no one’s business but yours, be yourself and express yourself how you want. Maybe when it comes to hair, go for a haircut that has layers, trust me, the best of both worlds long and short at the same time. Just remember you are not alone and you are valid
